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Sangomas have gone online

This Apollo Thomas fellow is telling me via Facebook Messenger that I have serious problems. He declares; “There are several invisible and complex obstacles hindering your progression.” By Vula Mthimkhulu

The thing is; I’ve always suspected this to be the case. The other day, I woke up to find my lounge invaded by hundreds of wet, white and thin chickens (a really bad version of Ramthuthu).

With all entry points to the house properly sealed, except for the chimney, I concluded that yizinto zabantu lezi (someone is playing mind games with me). And so I sold them chickens to my local supermarket.

Many more happenings have occurred in this house. The worst was the discovery of a gigantic bull on our kitchen. On discovery in the morning, the bull seemed to have grown overnight to become much bigger than the exit points. And so we either had to call in a crane to lift it out from the roof or slaughter the beast right there on my kitchen. We butchered it.

Like the wet white thin chickens, the beef found its way onto our local supermarket, Pick n Pay. No it was Shoprite. No maybe it was Spar or Woolworths. I can no longer tell. I was sworn to secrecy by the franchise owner.

I won’t mention the trapped Tokoloshi story and the destination of its human like flesh. I digress.

This Apollo Thomas fellow calls himself “Product Manager at South African Traditional Healers Association and Project Manager at South African Traditional Healers Association.”

He said to call him on the following number: +27787296663. I will call him and report back to you in due course.

For now here is the full version of his message:

Good afternoon Mr Vula, This message is specific, timely and extremely important to you, so please read it to the bottom! I am a renown Traditional Spiritual Healer with Professional experience that touch and transcend all walks of life regardless of faith, race or leadership status. Hence, for your Struggles, Low Esteem and Self-doubt, I can restore your status.

So treat this message with the ultimate attention and seriousness that it deserves. I am empowered Spiritually with the generally accepted traditional norms and standards that can turn your deepest pains into gratifying happiness using my Super-natural methods. About you, after consultations, I identify that your life is in dire need of transformation in order to positively change the course of your fortunes and future!

There are several invisible and complex obstacles hindering your progression financially and socially. You are supposed to succeed due to your hard work, you should have good relationship with family and colleagues and also be positioned for success.

However, evil people and spirits are destructing your luck at opportunities. Unfortunately, your damaging thoughts about your state deems you Fearful and Vulnerable! The time is now to have South African solutions for our people, its only us that can serve and save ourselves.(Isinathi sokubkan nqo nezinkinga zamzans lthina kuphela esingakwazi ukusiza abafowethu nodadebethu). Nomagabe ukholelwani uphumaphi ukwehluka kwebala lndlelayami lndlelayami yesintu engiyisebe nzisayo nokuqeqesheka kwami nesikhathi enginaso ngisebenzi sana nobantu, ngisazizi kuzinking ezihlukahlu kana. Amandla engawa nikwa ophezulu nokukhobanil kusebenzisana nda wonye mihlange mihla ekuphothuleni izinkinga zabantu.

(Whatever Religion, Race or Origin my traditional approach and experience can heal your woulds, sole and inherited or ancestral generational curses.) Therefore act now, don’t let your past keep you away from your future, don’t wait for a nervous break down, cleanse up such that your tragedies and trials can turn into Amazing Success! For help at the Temple, Call +27787296663 – Ujuh

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